Chasing Seagulls

{March 21, 2009}   Ramblin’

I downloaded one of my favorite movies yesterday — Where the Day Takes You. It actually took four days to download from a torrent site and the quality is terrible, but I wanted to see it that bad. If anyone has a better version of it, please let me know. (Update: I did find a better version and now have it burned on a dvd.)

When I first saw this movie as a kid, I thought that it would be cool to be homelessno parents, no rules, no responsibility. Little did I know that I would get to find out. Really, how many people get to live the reality of their favorite movie?

Of course, I was 25 years old when I ended up on the street. And I got the luxury of being on the Caribbean coast. It never really got cold, and for the most part, I could usually find somewhere to stay so I wouldn’t have to sleep outside. But that was bullshit in itself, because then I either had to fight off the guy I was staying with or come up with a reason to fuck him.

I got to drink a lot for free and party every day. But then I had to deal with the reputation of being a loose drunk girl. Which didn’t bother me as much then as it does now. I had the time of my life until I left and looked at it from a different point of view and saw just how fucked up I was.

But those stories are for another time. There’s hundreds of them and I’m not trying to tell any stories right now.

What I was saying is that I got to live the movie. When I watched it this time, it reminded me of how hopeless you feel sometimes. You don’t see it getting any better and you know that you’re probably going to die on the streets. You have to struggle every day just to get something to eat, but for some reason, it’s no problem getting drunk. Isn’t that a bitch? Of course, I lived in the middle of Party Center in Cancun, Mexico, where all the white kids come to party it up during Spring Break, so drinking was just what happened. But if I asked someone to buy me something to eat, they would tell me, “I can’t do that, but I’ll buy you a beer.” What the fuck? I did manage to eat at least one thing a day (for a month, it was hot dogs from Oxxo), but the next thing that reminds you that it’s not fun is when you want to sleep and have nowhere to go. That’s probably the worst thing I experienced. Walking down the street at 8 a.m. with no possibilities. And in Cancun, you can’t just sleep anywhere outside during the day, because the sun will fry you. You have to find a place out of the sun, away from the tourists, and away from the cocodrilos.

So, it’s not all that fun. But then again, it is. Does that make sense?


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